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To The Limit

Life throws at us many testing moments. Moments that test our limits and our ability to tolerate. But what do you do when you finally reach your limit? When you’re wallowing in the depths of your despair and can no longer see the light. Some people soldier on and show great endurance. Then there are people like me who’ve been wounded in the war of life one too many times.

Always telling ourselves that it wont happen again, that life will get better once we turn the next corner, we fool ourselves if only momentarily. On the inside that last test does too much damage but you can’t fall apart, not in front of all of them. You can’t show them your weakness and so you put on an act. An act that you are so accustomed to putting on that it’s almost second nature.

The darkness still drowns you behind that mask. It won’t go away no matter what you do. The limit has been passed and your brain can’t cope with it anymore. The loaded tears come cascading down but it doesn’t make you feel any better. That final blow keeps replaying in your head as you wonder: how did it get so bad?

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Posted in poetry

Lost in translation

Trying to speak and tell you what I feel

But I wasn’t born with nerves of steel

The earth starts to shake

My confidence starts to break

 

Some words pour out slowly

But not the ones I had picked carefully

You smile and my mind loses balance

Now my words have no guidance

 

Straying further and further from my message

Seeing you melts my courage

Maybe if I could tell you

Give you some sort of clue

 

We part ways and to you it’s still unclear

You couldn’t hear what I wanted you to hear

There’s only one way to describe this situation

I guess I was lost in translation

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Good Guy

It seems wherever i go this title seems to follow like an obedient dog wagging its tail. Don’t mistake this for me bragging. In fact, i’m sick of this ‘honor’.

“Hes a good guy”

“You’re a really nice guy”

Such phrases tag onto me after my first few encounters with people. But it leads me to wonder, why do the people who claim this never see me past this generalization? If i’m really such a good guy then why do i more often than not get dealt the short straws in life? Why do these very people push the ‘good guy’ away?

It also leads me to wonder what i’ve done to deserve the title: show a little kindness, a little humanity, a little compassion. These aren’t more than the general expectations from people. It doesn’t make me any better or any different than others.

Then the really dark thoughts start to sink in. Am i really the ‘good guy’ they call me? If they saw the whole picture i don’t believe they’d think so. The truth is that this ‘good guy’ is broken. He broke a long time ago. Flinching at the very mention of him as a ‘good guy’, he tries his best to make sure they don’t see enough of him to make  a judgement. It was often by taking these empty praises so seriously that he broke this much. Now when he hears this term he prepares for the worst. After all, history tends to repeat itself.

(I apologize if this post is awful and doesn’t make any sense)

-A

Posted in poetry

Photograph

It sits eternal on the mantelpiece.

Layers of dust coat it with grace.

Just one single photograph in an old frame,

Forgotten like the memories it holds.

 

Passersby take no notice of its fine wooden frame

With a chip in its corner

From a time when anger prevailed

And it came tumbling from the top.

 

Upon close inspection, a family of three

Smiling so bright on a summer day.

Love in their heart, love on their mind.

Blissfully unaware of their future bind.

 

It weathered the pain and the twist of fate,

Torrential rage and paralyzing fear.

Look beyond the photograph and you’ll see

The cracks in the glass separating the three.

 

 

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Winter is coming

As the rains came, they brought with them an icy draft. There is a certain excitement that comes with winter but every coin has a flip side. Sitting here typing this, i actually feel shivers. What i wouldn’t give for some warm clothes right now or a cup of hot chocolate. Winter also brings about a different kind of change. A change in the mindset one could say. As winter comes, you start to feel the end of the year go into motion. You feel the anticipation for a new chapter in your life and the fear or relief (depending on what cards life handed you) for the end of your current one.

It’s a time for reflection. Looking back on your year, think about the experiences you had, the people you met, the places you saw. Think about the depths of your despair but also the highs of your bliss. Then use it all to make the best of these last few pages of the chapter.

Happy winter! and I hope you’re feeling warmer than me 😀

-A

Posted in poetry

Secret

Trade me a little secret
We’ll keep it on lock and key
Unfortunately for you my dear
The key belongs to me
 
Your secrets are never safe
Lil’ birdies are always trying
The silent whispers in the hall
Someone’s done their spying
 
A little grin can tell so much
Or little all the same
A knowing little gesture
The whole town will know your name!
 
Don’t worry your pretty little head
This is your life not a thriller
I hope your secrets don’t hurt someone
Or the consequences could be killer

Posted in poetry

Forbidden Love

The day I saw you I couldn’t help but stare

The smile, the eyes, perfect hair

There was no chance, I wouldn’t even dare

But cupid had to go and stink up the air

 

In my mind a love I see

Dream about you close to me

And even when I knew it couldn’t be

Cant help but get filled with glee

 

Forbidden love, it’s a rush that I always feel

Forbidden love, it’s in every little moment that we steal

Forbidden love, it’s got the intrigue and the allure

Forbidden love, it’s bittersweet for sure

 

So when you asked me if we could be

Together, as in, officially

I knew there was trouble but I couldn’t resist

And at that we had our very first tryst

 

So much hush hush, and staying on the down low

But stronger and stronger I could see our love grow

It was worth the risk and worth the wait

To have someone who is my fate

 

If you have love, let it show

Don’t be afraid to let people know

Love so pure should not be hidden

Who says love can be forbidden

 

For love, society should be no bound

In the midst of the lost, a love is found

Nurture and value that wonderful treasure

Love is a force without any measure

Posted in poetry

It Soothes Me

The owls sing to me as I cruise on down the road,
This road that seems to go nowhere.
In the darkness of the night, I am lost.
I don’t mind. It soothes me.
 
The trees cast shadows so grand.
They do not frighten me,
Shapes so beautifully scary.
I don’t mind. It soothes me.
 
The highway and I share a connection.
Close to each other, distant from people.
I’m alone yet I don’t feel it.
I don’t mind. It soothes me.
 
Bathing in the moonlight
The wolves howl in the distance
The night energy flows through me
I don’t mind. It soothes me.

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New Beginnings

I cant even begin to express how many times i’ve been through that phase. Life has been sort of a rollercoaster in the past few years with a lot of twists and turns and ending up in situations i wouldn’t have imagined. But every time life threw me at the doorstep of a new beginning i thought naively that maybe this time around wont be that bad. Sure i’ve had a lot of good come from new beginnings as well. I’ve met amazing people, discovered things about myself and learnt a lot. There’s also the bad, the very bad which has shaped me into the troubled teen i am today.

Writing is something i’ve done for a very long time now but never before have i taken the step to actually go and put my work out in the vast world of the internet. After some encouragement from a friend i’ve decided to embark on this new beginning. It’s scary putting myself out there but hopefully, as always, i’ll learn from it.

So i guess this is me sorta saying hi from across my screen to across yours. I’m totally new at this so excuse me if my blog writing skills aren’t that great. Expect A LOT of poetry because well it’s kinda my thing 😉

-A