Posted in post

Painted Smiles, Empty Laughs

It really does strike me sometimes how true the comparison of life to a circus can be. When i think of it, I feel like i’ve been walking in a hall of mirrors my entire life never quite knowing what is real. Everything is distorted to shape the world we want to see or the world someone else wants us to see.

I’ve always feared clowns and likened them to some malignant force. Painted smiles, empty laughs, how could anyone of such kind be anything but bad? Then i started to see the clowns in my life. They weren’t dressed in polka dots with red rubber noses. They were far worse. They looked just like everyone else. With their painted smiles and empty laughs they roamed the streets freely. They were deceitful yet alluring. You wanted to fall into their trap and see them wipe the grin off their face to reveal their true smirk of  satisfaction at capturing their prey. Those were the clowns that haunted me growing up much more so then the ones traditionally seen.

It takes a while to realize that the real circus isn’t under a big top but in the world we live in today.

Circus

Posted in poetry

Forgiving You

It has been a long, long time since we said adieu

Because I couldn’t stand the sight of you.

Your countless mistakes piled up like junk mail

And I couldn’t even put in the effort to press delete.

 

For why did I owe you even that much?

When you wrecked me with just one touch

All I saw was a devil inside you

Because I didn’t want to see even the smallest of angels.

 

Maybe it was a slight miscalculation

Which caused me to place you in eternal damnation?

All I know is the time has come for healing,

For forgiveness.

Posted in Inside My Head

Looking Towards The Future

So i’ve really been struggling this past week in placing myself in life after high school. Being just another adolescent without a plan, I have found that i now stand at a point where i need to choose a path but they’re all so dark and scary. I can’t say i didn’t try to plan my future. I had my dreams. Unfortunately, life didn’t deal me a very good hand when i needed it and my dreams went up in a puff of smoke. It’s amazing how much difference pieces of paper can make. The lack of available finance made all the difference for me.

It really is crippling sometimes seeing your peers so driven, so accomplished, and comparing it with the void you feel inside. I can’t help making comparisons. It’s in my nature. I’m someone who loves a good competition and so it kills me when i see that i’m losing at life. How do they have it all figured out? I just cant grasp at why I can’t seem to catch a break when it comes to my future. This is the point where i come to doubt myself. Maybe its because i’m not smart enough, not skilled enough, not sociable enough? There has to be some explanation for why i stand so far behind those people whom i used to be equals with.

These feelings will always haunt me but for now i need to figure out how to get my life together.

Posted in poetry

All That I Have Done

Thinking about the life I have lived

And the stories they will tell about me,

It brings a sobbing smile to my face

For it is I who has to live with the weight of all I have done.

 

I cannot join the angelic choir

But neither can I be damned to hellfire.

For I am human after all –

An intricate mixture of the two.

 

But on nights as such I find the weight overwhelming.

The good. The bad.

There is nowhere to hide from my shame

And I know I’ve got no one else to blame.

 

But what I fail to realize is

All I have done, I did what circumstance dictated.

And it is on nights as such

That I should lock my demons away.

Posted in Reposts

Meet and Greet @ Dream Big: 5/21/16

Dream Big, Dream Often

Dream-Big

It’s the Meet and Greet weekend at Dream Big!!

Ok so here are the rules:

  1. Leave a link to your page or post in the comments of this post.
  2. Reblog this post.  It helps you, it helps me, it helps everyone!
  3. Edit your reblog post and add tags.
  4. Feel free to leave your link multiple times!  It is okay to update your link for more exposure every day if you want.  It is up to you!

  5. Share this post on social media.  Many of my non-blogger friends love that I put the Meet n Greet on Facebook and Twitter because they find new blogs to follow.

Now that all the rules have been clearly explained get out there and Meet n Greet your tails off!

See ya on Monday!!

View original post

Posted in poetry

Simple Conversations

I don’t know why I get so tongue-tied when you’re around.

My lips can’t seem to make the proper sounds.

There’s so much I’m dying to tell you

But we just keep having simple conversations.

 

I’m only just scratching your surface.

There’s so much more to discover.

I want to know you like the back of my hand

But I can’t do it through simple conversations.

 

Trying hard to steer the chatter

To something more meaningful between you and I

But I try and I fail to no avail

So I guess I’ll stick to simple conversations.

Posted in poetry

Someone Else’s Shoes

When I was little my daddy gave to me

An old pair of dusty brown boots.

A token of his history.

A symbol of his roots.

 

I smiled, a little confused

About what use they would be to me.

They certainly couldn’t be used

At least not while I was still so tiny.

 

I slipped my little feet into the giant’s mold.

Tested the water.

I retracted so fast at the feeling so cold.

That feeling I always do remember.

 

And so those boots were buried deep in the closet,

Collecting dust from years of disuse.

Maybe because I didn’t want to face it –

Being in someone else’s shoes

 

One day when my mama was away

I rummaged through her closet and found

Her stilettos so beautiful and grey.

So I slipped them on when no one was around.

It felt natural, it felt right.

Like those shoes were my own.

It shook me with a fright

When I saw I wasn’t alone.

 

My father’s eyes were wide, his face aghast.

He yelled and he roared right before he struck.

I couldn’t move away it all happened so fast.

With anger in his eyes, he wreaked havoc..

 

My mama and daddy loved me no more.

They threw me out on the street.

As I lay crying on the floor

I looked down at my feet.

 

I envisioned my daddy’s brown boots.

They disappeared now and I saw mama’s stilettos.

These were my stilettos now.

I would wear them forevermore.