So after a lot of trying, I finally managed to write a poem. I know that it isn’t even close to perfect and really doesn’t compare to most of my previous work but I believe that in order to get over my little crisis I need to find my way back to how I used to be in regards to my writing. To this end, I would like to ask you guys to lend me some of your inspiration. Is there a particular method you use while writing? Is there a way you generate ideas? Do you have any ideas you would be willing to share with me? If you’d like to share please do. The comments section is waiting! 🙂
You may never know the words I have to say to you
I’ll let them die as thoughts
But I still can’t look away from you
Slow torture for my heart
I’ll let you fall into the arms of another
And say not a word in protest
Take a pillow to my feelings and smother
Try to push it all away
I’ll put my heart on the guillotine
My heart lets tearful rivers flow
I am my own enemy
Believing I’m meant to be alone
I retreat into my deluded fantasies
And try to find happiness in what-ifs and foggy dreams
Alright so excuse how the writing in this post is because im going to be rambling a little and i wont be doing much editing so it will just be a flow of thoughts. I’ve hit a bit of a roadblock in my pursuits as a writer and it has really taken a toll on me. I feel incapable of writing and it pains me so much because every day i just want to write and i feel the urge inside me desperately crying to be freed from the cage it is in. Every time i try to push through and write something i find myself deleting the few words i write before i can even think of whether there is something good amongst the rubbish heap.
For such a long time I have been able to come up with anything and that is why the blog has been dormant. So i’d like to apologize to my followers and people who actually keep up with the blog for not delivering anything for so long. I know that in order for a blog to work out consistency is key and i am severely lacking in that department. I can only hope that i somehow overcome my current struggle and rekindle the connection i had with writing not just for others but for myself too.
Hope everyone is having a great start to 2017.
Fickle as a flower
I love you, I love you not.
Changing by the hour,
My feelings are victims of over thought.
One day I was under your spell,
Your image on my mind.
It happened so quick I couldn’t tell.
Love’s light made me blind.
Another day I couldn’t care less.
You blend in among the crowd.
I see no reason to obsess
And I show it clear and loud.
Love is moody, it wants its way.
It changes my mind everyday.
I feel a pang as you pass and then I shrug.
Sweep my feelings under the rug.
Control is lost.
I hold myself back.
So I pay the cost,
My love story goes off track.
The suns last beams drizzle across the sky.
The summer wind passes you by.
Calm and centered you gaze on into the sunset
And take in this memory you won’t forget.
Times are better when you share with another.
You know in your darkest times you have each other.
The way he looks at you gives you butterflies.
You’re a captive audience to the love in his eyes.
So on that summer day that you are together,
You know now that this can really be forever.
This spellbinding magic is one of true beauty.
You’ve found your true love; your one and only.
Drinking from the bottle that is you
Ive been wasted in your love.
Tell me darling what am I supposed to do?
To push you down and rise above
Loving you was heroin. loving you was ecstasy.
Baby I’m an addict. I need the rush you give to me.
Getting high off the thought of your memory.
Just one touch and you fill me with energy.
Building up the idea of you
I spent my days and all my nights.
I just needed to hear you wanted me too
But your statue took a fall.
The pain, the high, the overdose
Your love had me in its control
So I kept on going and now I’m close
To having your love take its final toll.
Papa, it’s funny how I can’t remember sunny days.
Oh you’ve been so long set in your ways.
Oh papa, I can’t bear to see your face
After all of your disgrace.
Papa, don’t you know how to treat a woman?
I can no longer see you as human.
My mama weeps till she can’t breathe.
Those sounds they make my blood seethe.
Papa, how can you look us in the eye?
After you’ve drained us all dry.
Oh papa, what more could you possibly want?
You’ve already got our carcasses to flaunt.
But papa, it’s time for me to take a stand.
You died for me the moment you raised that hand.
What am I worth to you?
Do you measure me in pennies or in gold?
Am I precious? Am I rare? Or am I only worth a toss?
If I were to leave you would it be a gain or a loss?
Or maybe you measure me in smiles and laughs,
The way I slave to lift you up.
Maybe it’s how many good memories I can provide you.
But when it turns bad would you not want me beside you?
Perhaps you measure me by the hand of the clock
Which I do race against to see you by every hour.
All the nights I sell away to sing you sweet lullabies
Perchance I was to leave, would your hourglass continue to flow?
But the tragedy of the situation remains
That I will always look to you and all the other yous
To determine what my worth is
Because these eyes don’t see it.
Isn’t it great when you see an old buddy after years of no contact? But along with the excitement for the meeting comes uncertainty, nervousness, fear… I could go on but the list would never end. After all time has passed and people change. I know i’ve changed. Would they have changed too. Maybe they didn’t but you just never noticed some things about them. How well do you really know someone when you’re young? You play with them and they play with you and the system just works. In rare cases do kids sit and talk about the meaning of life and discuss the bigger questions. After all, if its not broken why try to fix it.
It’s quite an experience to be seated across from an old friend and see the far off look in their eyes. The distance that you finally overcame is only on the physical plane. Time takes its toll and with distance and time you become miles apart in the mind and the heart. It’s sad but true. Now so many things come into play when relationships are formed or broken. Ideologies, beliefs, opinions, likes, dislikes all drive wedges between the former kids who used to play so carelessly on the playground. All kids grow up and leave the playground eventually.